A Civilized confession

This morning started like many others: wake up at 6:30, read the bible, and smashing computer games with a hammer.

Since middle school I've loved the Civilization series of computer games. Who knows how many hours I've spent since then conquering the world? Recently I've looked forward to playing as a way to challenge my mind and relax a bit. Typically though I find myself playing for hours, completely infected by "one more turn" syndrome. And what of "relaxing"? I usually wind up frustrated by how complex the game is...in fact I've finished very few games. I love the beginning, get out and explore the world phase, but then as the game progresses and the turns take longer and longer and the end is pretty certain, I get bored and start a new one. This lack of follow through is something that has plagued me for a while, and only recently have I been intentional about facing this up. And then, of course, I get frustrated that it's 3 am and Virginia's not going to happy with me! For all the dearth of pleasure though there's something about it that entices me back...so much so that I shared with a friend that a rare day is one where I don't think about the game. Sometimes when I home with Hannah I'll even watch other people play on youtube! Just like gambling, the idea of playing, and even the early stages get my system all juiced...but then...in time...I'm angry with myself and not responding to my wife!

So it's time to confess. I'm a Civ addict - in the very bad way. For a while I'd thought about getting rid of the 3 dvd's that comprise the game but I always had excuses. "It's just recreation." "You can control this." And the worst: "You paid money for this! It'd be a waste!" That last one was probably the biggest. I've probably spent close to $100 throughout the years on Civ - now that's not huge in monetary terms compared to what an addiction can be, but it's enough to make one think twice about giving it up. But then I had this thought - "what is peace worth to me? Self-peace, family peace, peace with God? Surely if I could pay $100 for peace I would!"

Last night was the last game of Civ I'll play for a very long time, if ever. "One more turn" had taken hold and Virginia went to bed frustrated with me. Totally lame by me. And so while reading Jeremiah early this morning, a book full of warnings against idolatry, I couldn't shake a nagging voice, "get rid of the game...and really do it this time!". I remembered that it was trash day so I dropped my reading, collected the games, and ran them out to the street. I was glad to know that the trash man would be coming soon so I couldn't change mind. Virginia came back from her walk and caught me throwing them out - I can tell you she was thrilled! Over breakfast though I thought, "that was not enough - it's gotta be more emphatic." So I found my hammer, dug the games out, and smashed them on the front step! Here's the post mortem:



There's just something about a hammer that speaks of finality!

Last thing about this event. Our church has been in the midst of teaching on the principle of Sowing and Reaping. Meanwhile I've been pursuing ministry opportunities. I've been reading a lot leadership books and study leadership in scripture. What I've learned through all this is that what you put in your mind, soul, and body, you're going to become. If I put in hours of fantasizing about playing a computer game, and then hours of frustration while playing, there will be negative results not only immediately but down the road. Now my prayer is that God will guide me to redeem this time for the benefit of my personal spiritual formation, for our family, and for our community. This is not to say that rest and relaxation are wrong - rather there is a big problem when the object of rest becomes your master. We must master our affections in this world, not vice-verse...else we forfeit the chance to become all we've been made to be.

What are you sowing in to your life? This has been a challenge for me and hopefully is encouraging to you in some way. Let me know your story!

Scriptures:
Romans 12:1-2
Colossians 3:1-17
2 Timothy 2:2-7
2 Peter 1:5-9